Perth Based Burlesque Artist | Pinup Model | Vintage Blogger
Today I’m writing a blog about something that is a not-so-glamorous part of my life, I’m writing this blog because I’m scared, and I’m writing this blog because I’m not the only one who’s gone through something like this, I think sharing my story will help me and maybe even help someone else. On Monday afternoon I’m going to hospital to have a medical procedure, and it scares me.
Until now this is something I’ve kept to myself, only sharing when I really have to, when it effects my work, or when something happens that I can’t control. I don’t know why I haven’t had the courage to share this before, I guess its something that’s embarrassed me, a flaw I thought people would think less of me for, but being sick isn’t weakness, its not something that can be helped, its not something any amount of positive thinking an overcome, but its something we must face head on.
For the past ten years I’ve had an unknown chronic illness, which can strike me at any time, sometimes I become so nauseas I pass out, other times I become so violently ill I’m left bed ridden for days. To the best of my abilities I’ve not let it interfere with achieving my goals, but its not something I can control which can be really frustrating. I’ve had countless tests run, and my doctor had told me it was time for a more invasive course of action to try and pinpoint the issue.
I’m going to hospital to have a gastroscopy, and colonoscopy, which is where they take a 9mm tube with a camera at the end to investigate what’s going on internally. There are very minimal risks that can result with this, and while I do worry for this, my biggest concern is finding what’s actually wrong, they may find something treatable, they may find something bad, and they might find nothing at all. I know I shouldn’t worry as its something that’s out of my hands, but I’m nervous no matter what the outcome.
Chronic illness exists in many forms for many people, what it causes can effect people in different ways, I don’t think you can compare pain or suffering, its something that effects you, no one can tell you how it makes you feel. No matter what you’re going through, whether its physical or mental you’re not alone, and you shouldn’t feel like you have to hide what you’re going through. There are many support groups that exist, and many people open about their problems and are willing to talk with you.
For the next couple days I won’t be online as much, but I will return to blogging and replying emails as soon as I can.